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ningnangnong

HACK THE PLANET!!!
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Soupy, you're well within your rights to feel the way you do.

It's a two way street, and you seem to be the only car on the road at the moment. Play it how you want, you shouldn't feel guilty at all. The onus is on your old man, not you. You've done you're bit.

Unfortunately, that's the way a lot of relationships go in life - one person goes to all the effort, and if they stop, then that's it for the relationship. When I say relationship, I mean every type - friends, family, etc. I can't compare any experience of mine to yours, but I know I've had friends where I always felt like I was the one doing all the work to keep in touch and maintain a friendship... eventually it just gets to you, and you figure if this person actually wanted you around, they'd try a bit harder. Of course, sometimes there are other things at play.
 

Harry Sack

State of Origin Rep
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Soupy, you're well within your rights to feel the way you do.

It's a two way street, and you seem to be the only car on the road at the moment. Play it how you want, you shouldn't feel guilty at all. The onus is on your old man, not you. You've done you're bit.

Unfortunately, that's the way a lot of relationships go in life - one person goes to all the effort, and if they stop, then that's it for the relationship. When I say relationship, I mean every type - friends, family, etc. I can't compare any experience of mine to yours, but I know I've had friends where I always felt like I was the one doing all the work to keep in touch and maintain a friendship... eventually it just gets to you, and you figure if this person actually wanted you around, they'd try a bit harder. Of course, sometimes there are other things at play.
My circle of friends shrunk dramatically when I realised this Ningers. I stopped making the effort constantly and boom.....hear from them once a year on my birthday over facebook. Or maybe I get included in the group text at New Years.
 
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My circle of friends shrunk dramatically when I realised this Ningers. I stopped making the effort constantly and boom.....hear from them once a year on my birthday over facebook. Or maybe I get included in the group text at New Years.
I took my birthday off Facebook. Narrows the list even more.
 
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My circle of friends shrunk dramatically when I realised this Ningers. I stopped making the effort constantly and boom.....hear from them once a year on my birthday over facebook. Or maybe I get included in the group text at New Years.
Fuck, did I forget your birthday this year?
 

Rico

QCup Player
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On ya soup. Mate most relationships are just better off unforced and if that results in a once a year or even every few year hook up then great. It is what it is champ. The old guy seems a bit of a recluse so you’ll do all the leg work. He wasn’t around your whole life so just have the relationship on your terms and don’t ever feel bad about it.
 

soup

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On ya soup. Mate most relationships are just better off unforced and if that results in a once a year or even every few year hook up then great. It is what it is champ. The old guy seems a bit of a recluse so you’ll do all the leg work. He wasn’t around your whole life so just have the relationship on your terms and don’t ever feel bad about it.
Yeah mate, that’s how I’m kinda going about it without too much ill feeling or emotion. To be honest, it’s more about my son at this point.

I’ve been around enough to realise that relationships kind of go this way sometimes and there’s no point pushing harder than necessary. Obviously I would have liked more, but I’m happy to go with the flow.
 
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Good on you for reaching out man, doesn't sound like you are getting a whole lot back unfortunately. At least he doesn't seem like a self-pitying sociopath though, unlike another father (not mine) I know.
 
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Yeah mate, that’s how I’m kinda going about it without too much ill feeling or emotion. To be honest, it’s more about my son at this point.

I’ve been around enough to realise that relationships kind of go this way sometimes and there’s no point pushing harder than necessary. Obviously I would have liked more, but I’m happy to go with the flow.
Whatever you decide is best. How's this for food for thought ? What if you'd discovered he was this incredible older dude who'd been an enormous success ? Like a world traveller, well known actor or great philanthropist who made hundreds of millions of dollars and had spent the last thirty years making the world a better place ?

All those years without him would have given rise to some incredible imaginings but when finally you met him is it possible that those imaginings died and with that death you felt a very real sense of disappointment? Finding out that he was just a guy, an ordinary stranger kind of ruined a great mystery and rather than answering a million questions it just left a vacuum?
 
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Whatever you decide is best. How's this for food for thought ? What if you'd discovered he was this incredible older dude who'd been an enormous success ? Like a world traveller, well known actor or great philanthropist who made hundreds of millions of dollars and had spent the last thirty years making the world a better place ?

All those years without him would have given rise to some incredible imaginings but when finally you met him is it possible that those imaginings died and with that death you felt a very real sense of disappointment? Finding out that he was just a guy, an ordinary stranger kind of ruined a great mystery and rather than answering a million questions it just left a vacuum?
You haven't been following this thread, have you. soup soup (with pretty good reason) assumed the worst. In reality, he wasn't the awful human that the circumstances would have him believe.
 
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You haven't been following this thread, have you. soup soup (with pretty good reason) assumed the worst. In reality, he wasn't the awful human that the circumstances would have him believe.
Actually I've read every word. I've a fair understanding of the way we humans think, at least the first world style humans. Irrespective of what he was told there would have been times when soup mused or daydreamed as to the nature and circumstance of his father, after all if you can imagine a poor result then you can imagine the opposite. As I said, it is only food for thought.
 
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Actually I've read every word. I've a fair understanding of the way we humans think, at least the first world style humans. Irrespective of what he was told there would have been times when soup mused or daydreamed as to the nature and circumstance of his father, after all if you can imagine a poor result then you can imagine the opposite. As I said, it is only food for thought.
Seems to me soup had plenty of second-hand info about his father that the possibility of him being a secret mogul or hero was out of the question.

The situation led him to believe he was nothing other than a POS of a human. In reality, this was not the case. I'd argue that the reality turned out way better than if he really were a disinterested millionaire or self-obsessed celebrity. He was simply a human who himself was battling with his own existence, like all of us.

Intuition says to me that the "emptyness" he feels now is no different to what anyone would feel after essentially a life's mission has been completed, and the mystery solved. The drive is simply no longer there.
 
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Like I've said, it was only food for thought. It's possible to guess from similar life stories how a person may feel but it isn't possible to know. I think it's been the single most fascinating story on bhq.
 

soup

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Whatever you decide is best. How's this for food for thought ? What if you'd discovered he was this incredible older dude who'd been an enormous success ? Like a world traveller, well known actor or great philanthropist who made hundreds of millions of dollars and had spent the last thirty years making the world a better place ?

All those years without him would have given rise to some incredible imaginings but when finally you met him is it possible that those imaginings died and with that death you felt a very real sense of disappointment? Finding out that he was just a guy, an ordinary stranger kind of ruined a great mystery and rather than answering a million questions it just left a vacuum?
You know what? You’re actually not far from the mark.

I was told that he owned Chevron Island (here at Gold Coast) in his younger years and I knew that he was a trained architect/engineer and I was always told he owned a house on Millionaires Avenue (hedges Ave) but it was actually his Brother’s house. I did daydream about his extravagant life and at times, he did have that.

What I like most about him is that he now lives in a rough camp in the country by the fireside every night and values the lifestyle of the original indigenous Australians, emulating that life now for himself. He does own a plane and has his pilots licence and loves flying, promising one day to take me up.

He lives an honest, sustainable life now, integrated with nature and the true Australian people and I very much respect that.
 
6,545
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Ipswich
You know what? You’re actually not far from the mark.

I was told that he owned Chevron Island (here at Gold Coast) in his younger years and I knew that he was a trained architect/engineer and I was always told he owned a house on Millionaires Avenue (hedges Ave) but it was actually his Brother’s house. I did daydream about his extravagant life and at times, he did have that.

What I like most about him is that he now lives in a rough camp in the country by the fireside every night and values the lifestyle of the original indigenous Australians, emulating that life now for himself. He does own a plane and has his pilots licence and loves flying, promising one day to take me up.

He lives an honest, sustainable life now, integrated with nature and the true Australian people and I very much respect that.
I suppose it was an educated guess, after all you're only human. I tried to imagine how you'd feel, what hopes a little boy would have, what hopes I'd have were I in your shoes. No matter what life he had or whatever he is now , it wouldn't match exactly with your imaginings so I guess some emptiness was inevitable. What I hope for you and really for anyone with a similar reunion is a rich and fulfilling future relationship. It doesn't have to make up for the past, it might make for an interesting future.
 

soup

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I suppose it was an educated guess, after all you're only human. I tried to imagine how you'd feel, what hopes a little boy would have, what hopes I'd have were I in your shoes. No matter what life he had or whatever he is now , it wouldn't match exactly with your imaginings so I guess some emptiness was inevitable. What I hope for you and really for anyone with a similar reunion is a rich and fulfilling future relationship. It doesn't have to make up for the past, it might make for an interesting future.
That’s all I hope for too, but with a little more proactiveness from him. Expectations though, only lead to disappointment - I am well aware.
 

soup

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Didn’t go so well today. Mostly okay but with serious blips.

I’m kind of upset, a bit anxious and somewhat cranky, so I’ll go into more detail another day.

He wants a DNA test... sure, whatever.

He told me very directly that he’d given up on me a week ago as I hadn’t called for months. Does he not know how to make a call himself?

He also told me that this sort of casual relationship won’t work for him. All or nothing, he has to protect his feelings.

For fucks sake...
 
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