HACK THE PLANET!!!
Gotta go a bit high tech, blow dry, heated water, heated seat and so on. Not sure if you have been introduced to the wonderful world of Xiaomi... https://rover.ebay.com/rover/0/0/0?mpre=https://www.ebay.com.au/ulk/itm/183801769023Preaching to the choir here, blud.
Cleaning shit out yo' a-hole with paper is fucking caveman type shit. Why is it still the most popular way to do it in the Western world?