In my job as pretend Peter Badel I get passed a lot of inside information about the nefarious crime cartel that controls every decision made in the NRL, from choosing the draw to directing the touch judges to overlook forward passes. Everything you see is orchestrated at a level so high no human could possibly comprehend it.
But you know it's been happening. Since the dawn of time.
As such, I can reveal exclusive information that their puppet-in-chief Peter V'Landys has been ordered to rig the contest to favour Rupert Murdoch's Brisbane Broncos this season. As if you hadn't already noticed.
Already fans of other teams are complaining it's not fair the Broncos are clearly being favoured. Obvious examples being:
1. Not one Bronco has faced the judiciary this season. Unlike every other club. Rigged.
2. The Broncos have been gifted every game, even so-called "defeating" two finalists from 2022. Rigged.
3. Referees have been openly swinging games to the Broncos. In the most recent match against the Tigers, the penalty count was 2:7 brazenly favouring the Broncos. Oops, the bunker got it wrong again. Silly them. Rigged.
4. Almost every try scored by a Bronco has been off a forward pass, yet no official intervened. Rigged.
5. Two Broncos top the Dally M medal count. Neither deserved a single vote. Rigged.
6. Right across every form of media, pundits are lavishing unearned praise on the entire Broncos organization, comparing this seasons' team to way better teams from the past. Rigged.
7. We keep hearing what a "good bloke" the coach is. No mention of him ever being drunk. Rigged.
8. Recently, we were forced to endure an entirely contrived "battle of Brisbane" between two teams that coincidentally found themselves in unlikely positions at the top of the table. The Dolphins were promptly discarded afterwards and will never win another game. It was all about generating hype for the Brisbane Broncos. Rigged.
The more games we win the more you know it's true: the entire competition is a joke, and that joke is on everyone else.
But you know it's been happening. Since the dawn of time.
As such, I can reveal exclusive information that their puppet-in-chief Peter V'Landys has been ordered to rig the contest to favour Rupert Murdoch's Brisbane Broncos this season. As if you hadn't already noticed.
Already fans of other teams are complaining it's not fair the Broncos are clearly being favoured. Obvious examples being:
1. Not one Bronco has faced the judiciary this season. Unlike every other club. Rigged.
2. The Broncos have been gifted every game, even so-called "defeating" two finalists from 2022. Rigged.
3. Referees have been openly swinging games to the Broncos. In the most recent match against the Tigers, the penalty count was 2:7 brazenly favouring the Broncos. Oops, the bunker got it wrong again. Silly them. Rigged.
4. Almost every try scored by a Bronco has been off a forward pass, yet no official intervened. Rigged.
5. Two Broncos top the Dally M medal count. Neither deserved a single vote. Rigged.
6. Right across every form of media, pundits are lavishing unearned praise on the entire Broncos organization, comparing this seasons' team to way better teams from the past. Rigged.
7. We keep hearing what a "good bloke" the coach is. No mention of him ever being drunk. Rigged.
8. Recently, we were forced to endure an entirely contrived "battle of Brisbane" between two teams that coincidentally found themselves in unlikely positions at the top of the table. The Dolphins were promptly discarded afterwards and will never win another game. It was all about generating hype for the Brisbane Broncos. Rigged.
The more games we win the more you know it's true: the entire competition is a joke, and that joke is on everyone else.
